


Discourse on the Method

by Razzledazzy



Category: Saints Row
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 04:24:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3677346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Razzledazzy/pseuds/Razzledazzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt Miller is probably a superwholock.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Discourse on the Method

The entity sauntered into the room like he owned it, likely because he did, and knocked a beer bottle off of a concrete ledge bearing graffiti before leaning on it. None of them startled, not the he expected any of them too as shattered fragments skittered past their legs. “Oh, silly me. That’s not very environmentally friendly, I wouldn’t want to do anything… unethical,” the pink cat purred to his guests. 

Several of them opened their mouths to speak, but a man in the blood drenched trench coat spoke over them all, “Your morals are no better than the Cyprian Order, stow your lies and free us so a true fight can take place. That guise is no match for my blades! I shall lead these miscreants in th-” 

“Boss can’t you shut him up?”

“Shaundi, it’s not like we have anything to worry about. Soon as Johnny wakes up we’ll be out of here in like 5 minutes, cat man or no.”

“You really think Johnny’s going to attack a giant pink cat?”

“No, I think Johnny’s going to beat the shit out of a man in a pink cat suit so we can wrap this up and go get some fucking milkshakes.”

The man’s ranting did not stop for their conversation. “I AM NYTEBLADE, I AM LEGEND-” 

“Ooh, I Am Legend, now that was a good movie. Love it when the black guy lives…. until he dies. Okay, so maybe Men in Black was better.”

"Fuck, Pierce, spoilers! That movie was on my Coma-Missed Movies to Watch list. Shaundi, see if you can’t step on Johnny’s foot with your stilettos and wake him up.”

“Shhhhh, Boss this is part the rant from the thirteenth episode of season three from the final battle between-”

“Kinzie? You’re not even supposed to be here.”

“What, like I’m going to miss out on quality entertainment?”

“I thought you hated this shitty vampire show-” 

The leader of the Third Street Saints was interrupted before she could finish. “Do all of you mind? I’m trying to intimidate the enemy,” the man in the red coat growled out.

She snorted, freckles scrunching together with her nose, “What? Is our conversation interrupting your righteous monologue?” 

The man in the coat turned, offended, “Excuse me?” 

“Oh my god, forget it I don’t think I can take this seriously. I’m done here,” the boss said, kicking glass at the both of them. “Let me just wrap this up for you; you were going to keep monologuing, then the dear Professor here was going to tilt his head before aiming a bazooka at you or something. Just make with the explosions already, throw some swords! I have not got all day here to-” she stood up and hopped over to the both of them, balanced precariously in her heels and still tied to the chair, but glaring at both of them, “-sit here while you fuckers inflate each other’s egos by treating this like some huge climactic battle- pun intended dammit.” 

The vampire stared at her slack-jawed, and she liked to think Professor Genki wore a similar expression, but maybe it was the lighting.

“Uh, Boss?”

“Yeah, Johnny?”

“The fuck is happening here?”

“Well you see, I gave the Nyteblade rights to Matt, and then he also had rights to the Saints trademark as a member of the gang, but I’m not really sure where Professor Genki comes into it all. I think he’s bored.”

“… Okay? But why are we here?”

“Do I look like Descartes to you? Come help me get outta this chair.”

**Author's Note:**

> Shoutout to keelahsomethigh this is totally her fault. Catch me on tumblr at [tricksterlesbian](http://tricksterlesbian.tumblr.com/).


End file.
